I don't know what we're yelling about!

Sometimes I get so freakin' pissed off and I just don't know why! I really do love my job, but I'm there for a long time every day and it's very stressful. The kids were awesome today...I found out I'm losing two. One was in a shelter home and got a more permanent placement over break, and another was living with her aunt and now is moving. So I'm back at 15. I'm really not pissed about work. I couldn't really say what I am pissed about...the self-loathing builds up and oozes out sometimes. I'm not even pissed at my upstairs neighbor who blasts her stereo all day long and pounds around her place like a stampeding elephant. I'm not pissed that I suddenly feel like having a cigarette...where the hell did that come from? I'm not pissed that I didn't get a new car or that we were rear-ended on Thursday. I'm not pissed about making dinner...I love making pizza. What the hell is it? I am going nutso and I can't take it and I bet neither can Dave. Tell me what the hell I'm pissed about!!!