the four-toed creed

Why is it that I enjoy doing mindless things so much? My favorite parts of today: driving to school, driving to the ice arena, spending 10 minutes simmering in the fake sun, and watching tv. Total time of favorite things: 3.5 hours (including 3 hours watching tv). The problem is, even during these "mindless" activities, my mind won't stop. I just can't slow down...especially today, one of those terrible, horrible, no good, very-bad days. Once I finally got in the truck to leave school I couldn't turn the key, I couldn't shut my eyes, I couldn't move...I had to just sit in silence for about 5 minutes. I guess in those 5 bittersweet minutes my mind did finally stop. I'm so relieved that it's Friday tomorrow, and that I have Monday off! Wow, I may actually need to make a to-do list for my "free day". That's okay, I'll still enjoy the day even though it will be filled with very necessary, yet very undone tasks.

I've forgotten how much I enjoy listening to music. It's not that I know anything at all about new music, even in the last 4 years or so. I'll take my classics, you know, the broken-in discs I've listened to since high school. Since the beginning of fall semester I've been so focused on just getting done what needs doin', that I climb in the car, listen to the npr, and get where I'm going. Fun, enjoyment, pleasure? Who needs or has time for those things? Well I do dammit! Lately I've been making myself belt out the familiar tunes even if I don't feel like it. I make the songs fit with my life even if only small phrases match some vague event. Wasn't that the best thing about high school? Feeling as if you were so deep, and so troubled that no one could possibly understand what you were going through except Adam Duritz and Sheryl Crow.