Happy Halloween!

Here is a list of people who should NOT be trick-or-treating (in order of appearance at my door):
1. 12 year old "chaperone" who is way too honest about getting candy just because he's there.
2. 10 year old in khakis, polo, and baseball cap who, when asked what he was, shrugged and said, "Nothing, just me."
3. 14 year old girl in jeans and varsity jacket TALKING ON THE PHONE!
4. 40 year old woman dressed as a cat (maybe??) who scowled at me when I looked puzzled that she was standing on my porch holding a bag open without saying a word, and 60 year old man that was with her, costume-free, also holding a bag open, but saying "I'm Igor, he he."
5. Every person without a costume who isn't even prepared with a good lie when you ask, "And what are you?" even though they clearly aren't anything.
6. 30 year old man, costume-free, with stroller and 4 month old infant, also costume-free, who doesn't come onto the porch and says "It's just us two...it's her first halloween." Oh really!?!? Well maybe I should offer your infant some flavored breast milk. Oh wait...that's stupid!
7. 30 year old man claiming his "little girl fell asleep in the car." Well, I'm sorry, you snooze, you lose!
8. 12 year old chaperone and his charge returning because they "got jacked" and had to start over.
9. Weird, confused lady (possibly off her meds) who stood in my driveway for 5 minutes before offering me 50 cents to use my phone.
10. Really strange girl in red long sleevies who brought pepsi and then came inside to eat our tacos and play euchre.

I of course still gave all these people candy because I'm crazy and very nervous about being egged or knifed. I hate this holiday.