not cool enough

DIY Pancakes

2012-01-28T10:54:00.003-05:00

One thing that I've learned from working "inside" the home is that I can rely on myself to do much more than I ever thought. It may sound minor, but during this time I stripped, cleaned, and painted two bedrooms, took apart and attempted to repair the dishwasher (nevermind that my attempt was unsuccessful...the point here is that I tried), constructed many a bookshelf, bench, and table, started a business, and made a wreath from scratch, among completing various other home maintenance. A small and perhaps logical step, you may be thinking, but an eye-opener for me. When you've got lots of time and little money you start to learn all sorts of new ways to be self-reliant.

So this morning, when I woke up with a hankering for pancakes I thought, "I don't need you and your fancy mix, Bisquick, I have myself and Allrecipes.com!" And some flour...and an egg...and...oh, just read the recipe I used this morning!

Fluffy Pancakes

Ingredients:

1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 egg
3/4 cup milk
1/4 cup shortening, melted

Directions:

In a small bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt. Combine the egg, milk and shortening; stir into dry ingredients just until moistened.
Pour batter by 1/4 cupful onto a greased hot griddle. Turn when bubbles form on top of pancakes; cook until the second side is golden brown.

They were, in fact, fluffy and very good. I had never melted shortening before, so I just nuked it for 30 seconds, checked it, then for another 30 seconds. Once melted, it looked just like cooking oil. Once I added the egg and milk to it it started to harden again so I worked quickly to combine the wet mixture then add it to the dry ingredients. Dave and Jack loved them!

Zesty Ravioli Skillet...and the Police Station

2012-01-27T08:56:00.002-05:00

So, I got a new job! I'll be working as a Reading Specialist in Rockford starting Monday! I'm very excited and can't wait to get started. I'll miss being a stay at home mom, but we knew this day would come. I'm thankful for the time I did get to spend with Jack...and Hudsy.

Anytime you work with children you are required to have a background check and fingerprint clearance. I've had to do this several times - when I did student teaching, when I worked at Kentwood, again when I started in AZ, and finally, two months ago for GVSU. So I figured one of these places could vouch for me and forward on my fingerprint results to my new school. No such luck. The problem with this is the personal cost ($64 a pop), and the time it takes to get the results, meaning, I can't start until I'm "all clear". So while I joked with my new employers about my frequent fingerprinting experiences (luckily they all have good senses of humor), I am under a real time crunch to get them done so I can start (hopefully) Monday.

Now, maybe this kind of stuff happens to everyone, but when it happens to you (me) it feels like you are (I am) the only idiot that does these things. I wanted to get my prints taken 1st thing this morning so as to expedite my clearance, and my information said the Kentwood Police Department was open at 8. I leave home at 7:50, alone (again to expedite the process) and I'm almost there when I realize I forgot my request form. This form tells the police where to send my results. I quick change lanes, nearly side-swiping another vehicle and do a "U-ie" cutting off yet another vehicle. I reach home at 8:01, grab my paperwork and am off again. This time I actually make it to the police station at 8:10. There's no one there, save the lone fire engine in the parking lot. Hmmm...new hours, open at 9. Son of a...!! So I make a mental note that I'll have to come back, Jack in tow, before his gym lesson at 11. And all this before I've had my coffee!

Anyway, on to the recipe I wanted to post...Zesty Ravioli Skillet by the Pampered Chef. While not so "zesty", this is a delicious, filling, yet not too rich pasta dish. I highly recommend trying this one. I made it as directed, but next time I'll double the jalapenos.

Ingredients:

4	cups (1 L) loosely packed fresh baby spinach leaves
6	oz (175 g) provolone cheese, grated
1	tbsp (15 mL) olive oil
1	small jalapeño pepper, seeded
3	garlic cloves, pressed
2	cans (14.5 oz or 398 mL each) diced tomatoes with onions, undrained
1/2	tsp (2 mL) salt
1/2	tsp (2 mL) coarsely ground black pepper
1	pkg (24 oz/700 g) small frozen cheese ravioli (about 65)
1/3	cup (75 mL) heavy whipping cream

Directions:

Wash spinach in large Stainless Mesh Colander; drain. Grate cheese using Ultimate Mandoline fitted with grating blade. Set aside spinach and cheese.
Add oil to (12-in./30-cm) Skillet; heat over medium-high heat 1-3 minutes or until shimmering. Finely chop jalapeño with Food Chopper. Add jalapeño to Skillet; cook and stir 1 minute or until crisp-tender. Press garlic into Skillet with Garlic Press; cook and stir 15-20 seconds or until fragrant.
Add tomatoes, salt and black pepper to Skillet; cook and stir with Bamboo Spatula 1-2 minutes or until simmering. Add ravioli; stir to coat. Cook, uncovered, 4-5 minutes or until tender. Stir cream into Skillet. Cook, uncovered, 1-2 minutes or until simmering. Sprinkle spinach over ravioli; cook, covered, 1 minute or until spinach starts to wilt.
Remove Skillet from heat. Top with cheese; cover Skillet and let stand 1-2 minutes or until cheese is melted.

Feel free to ignore the PC specific tools :) I used a 10 inch skillet. When you cut the jalapeno, stand it upright and hold the stem in one hand. Cut down the 4 sides around the stem, avoiding the seeds inside. Then discard the stem with seeds attached - you never have to touch them!

Bruschetta Pasta

2012-01-16T17:43:00.005-05:00

My favorite thing about being a Pampered Chef consultant is that I have learned how to love cooking again! Now, it doesn't hurt that I'm unemployed and much of day is spent devising ways to save money...such as cooking virtually all of our meals at home. Then, as a part of our schedule, I saunter into the kitchen around 4:00 each day and get to spend the next hour doing my own sort of play. Sometimes Jack helps, though this happens most often at breakfast and lunch. At this moment he is playing trains...or cars...or car-trains, and I am waiting on Dave, who is running late, so I have a surprise moment to post about the Bruschetta Pasta I finally made from thestockedkitchen.com.

Ingredients:

Mix together vinegar, salt, pepper, and garlic. Whisk in oil well to emulsify.1 T balsamic vinegar
1/2 t salt
1/4 t pepper
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 T olive oil
2 C fresh tomatoes, diced
1/2 C fresh basil chopped
1/2 lb pasta, cooked and drained

Directions:

Fold in tomatoes and basil.
Toss with cooked pasta and Parmesan cheese. If desired, top with cooked chicken or shrimp.

The only ingredient I had to substitute was the fresh basil. This was maybe the most important ingredient because the final product was not as imagined. Unfortunately I didn't even have dried basil so I had to substitute Oregano. Using a 3 to 1 ratio for converting fresh to dry, I put in 2 Tbs and 2 tsp of Oregano. The taste was fine, perhaps Thyme would have been a better substitute than Oregano. One thing is for sure, I will never again make this recipe without the fresh basil. The dish had a very fresh look and taste, and made a nice meal when I added cubed chicken.

My stocked kitchen

2012-01-09T18:40:00.002-05:00

One of the greatest joys of my "housekeeping" life is finding I have the ingredients I need for a new recipe on hand already. I feel like I've won the lottery...a whole meal, ready to prepare, without purchasing new ingredients! When I recently came across The Stocked Kitchen at Barnes and Noble, I was intrigued. Now, being the worst decision maker in the world, I decided against buying the book, at that time, but made a note to check into it more once I got home. I found the website, and a few recipes online. I'd still really like to own the book...does anyone have any experience with the stocked kitchen method?

I did print out a copy of "the list" and found my kitchen is more stocked than I thought. What I particularly like is the idea of using the list to stock up on sale items from the list. I was planning on making Bruschetta Pasta for dinner tonight (because, joy, I have all the ingredients!!) but wanted to have fresh bread as well. It will have to wait until tomorrow. In the meantime I'm already crafting my grocery list for next week using my trusty The Stocked Kitchen Grocery List.

Broccoli Cheddar Soup

2011-10-21T10:58:00.000-04:00

After my success with Butternut Squash soup, I was tempted to try another soup, one of my favorites...Broccoli Cheddar. The texture of the Butternut Squash soup reminded me of Broccoli Cheddar, so I used basically the same recipe, using broccoli of course, instead of squash. Here is my, somewhat unsuccessful, attempt:

Ingredients:
6 Tbs chopped onion
4 Tbs butter
4 heads of broccoli, steamed (this is 2 packages, next time I will cut the amount of broccoli in half)
3 cups water
4 cubes chicken bouillon
1/2 tsp thyme
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
1/8 tsp paprika
1 (8 ounce) package of cream cheese (not enough! Next time I'll use 2)
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese (not enough! Next time I'll use 3)

Directions:
1. In a large saucepan, saute onions in margarine until tender. Add water, bouillon, thyme, black pepper and paprika. Bring to boil; cook about 20 minutes.

2. Puree broccoli and cream cheese in a blender or food processor in batches until smooth. Add to saucepan, along with cheddar cheese and heat through. Do not allow to boil.

This soup was definitely chock full of broccoli, and it was too runny. I'll need to thicken up the base next time (any suggestions are welcome!) I'll also make it cheesier, with the addition of more cream cheese and cheddar cheese. A thumbs down (yes, I actually did receive two thumbs down from a taster) on this version!

Artisan Bread

2011-10-21T10:36:00.001-04:00

At a recent Pampered Chef meeting, someone made this delicious bread in the Deep Covered Baker. The recipe was easy enough, it just needed time and planning. For my first attempt at making bread, this is the recipe:

Ingredients:

3 cups all-purpose or bead flour, more for dusting (I used all-purpose flour, thanks Bri;))

1/4 tsp instant yeast

1 1/2 tsp salt

1 1/2 cups tap water

Directions:

1. In a large bowl combine flour, yeast and salt. Add 1 1/2 cups water, and stir until blended; dough will be shaggy and sticky. Cover bowl with plastic wrap. Let dough rest at least 12 hours, preferably 18, at room temperature.

2. Dough is ready when its surface is dotted with bubbles. Liberally flour a pastry mat (I used a flexible cutting mat), and place dough on it; sprinkle it with a little more flour and fold it over on itself 3 or 4 times. Place on parchment paper and place in the deep covered baker with lid on to rise for 2 hours. (I covered the dough by placing plastic wrap over the top)

**Here the recipe has changed, the original recipe called to preheat the Deep Covered Baker, the Home Office says not to do this, and that the warranty would be voided if the the baker broke while making the bread, I preheated the baker at 450 degrees for 30 minutes, dumped the bread dough in, and baked covered for 30 minutes. Then I uncovered the baker, and baked another 8 minutes until the bread was golden brown.**

3. Preheat oven to 450 degrees and place the filled Covered Baker with lid on in oven for 30 minutes. Bake for 30 minutes then take the lid off. Bake for another 8 to 15 minutes until the bread is golden brown on top. Cool on a rack.

It was very good, especially warm. I think I may have folded it over itself too many times, it wasn't as "airy" as the bread I'd sampled at the meeting. Next time I'll follow the new recipe, and only fold it over 3 or 4 times!

Better late than never...

2011-10-09T22:26:00.000-04:00

I'm just going to begin as if it hasn't been almost two years since I last updated this blog. One of the many intentions I had for this past summer was to make at least one new (to me) recipe each week, and post the recipe and picture. I began well enough by making the new recipes. I even remembered to take photos of some of them. The blogging part, however, did not go so well. So, while I may post the "new" recipes that I made at a later time, I will start today with the recipe I made for dinner this evening.

Why haven't I ever had winter squash? Perhaps because it all looks a little scary. Orange, and yellow, and green colors, bumpy and odd shaped...let's face it, they're used for decor around Halloween for a reason. But I have turned a corner! I receive a daily recipe email from AllRecipes.com, and a few days ago the recipe was for Butternut Squash Soup. My friend, Rachel, had just cooked a delicious Pumpkin soup for a dinner party, and I was intrigued. Here is the recipe with my adjustments in parentheses:

Ingredients

6 Tbs chopped onion
4 Tbs margarine (salted butter)
6 cups peeled and cubed butternut squash (2 - 2.5 lb butternut squash, halved)
3 cups water
4 cubes chicken bouillon
1/2 tsp dried marjoram (1/2 tsp thyme)
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
1/8 tsp ground cayenne pepper (1/2 tsp paprika)
2 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese (1 (8 ounce) package)

Directions

1. In a large saucepan, saute onions in margarine until tender. Add squash, water, bouillon, marjoram, black pepper and cayenne pepper. Bring to boil; cook 20 minutes, or until squash is tender.
(I first roasted the butternut squash by placing the halves face down on a cookie sheet, and baking at 375 for 40 minutes. Meanwhile, I sauteed the onions in butter until tender, then added the water, bouillon, thyme, black pepper and paprika. I brought it to a boil, and cooked until the bouillon was completely dissolved.)
2. Puree squash and cream cheese in a blender or food processor in batches until smooth. Return to saucepan, and heat through. Do not allow to boil.
(After roasting the squash, I removed it from its peel by scooping with a spoon. Pureed the squash and cream cheese in my Pampered Chef manual food processor. Finally I added the squash puree to the pan and cooked, stirring occasionally, for about 15 minutes.)

I served the soup with bread and a ham sandwich. Dave and Jack both loved it, and I found the taste to be just what I was hoping for. I pureed the squash and cream cheese in 4 batches, next time I will try to get it done in 2. I had to stir the final mixture quite a bit to get rid of the lumps. It was relatively easy, although I always tend to make a bigger mess the first time I make a recipe. This is one I'll definitely make again, and I'm excited about the whole new world of winter squash that has opened up to me!

Going Rogue: The Squeakquel

2009-12-11T21:01:00.003-05:00

I too am leaving my spiffy new job...for a different spiffy new job. The outlook for teachers is bleak, my friends. With the state of the economy, and cuts and downsizing galore, I'll be lucky if there are any teaching positions posted for next school year. The district I'm currently in is very small and there are many teachers who will be laid be off next year, as well as many positions that will be eliminated all together. My new position will be in a much larger district, which expands my job prospects considerably. Now, having my foot in the door doesn't guarantee that I'll be chosen for any open teaching positions, but it certainly doesn't hurt my chances. Anyway, it was a tough decision, but I think I made the right one.

In other news, Jack's busy being cute all the time. Except when he's being naughty...he has this way of smiling at you when he's going to do something he's not supposed to - you think he's just the cutest thing in the world, until you realize you're being conned by a 1 year old. He also has so much going on inside his little head, but he doesn't have the words to express it yet. So he screams or cries when can't get his point across. He still is just the cutest thing in the world though!

A bang-up job

2009-11-06T20:40:00.003-05:00

I'm the computer lady.

Yes, I know that I'm the first person you think of when your computer has a melt down and you're wondering where to turn for help. Not. In spite of this, I applied for, and got a computer para-pro position at the 3-5 building in the district I was subbing for. I assist the teachers in teaching technology standards and will eventually work with them on planning and teaching lessons that integrate technology (SMART board, laptops, etc.). So far I'm enjoying it and the teachers and staff all seem very nice. The best part is that I basically have the freedom to take this job where ever I want. A lot of the teachers are afraid of technology and it's my job to help them use it in their daily teaching. So far I've been spending a lot of my "tech integration" time playing with the SMART board, researching educational websites, and figuring out all the programs and software we use. Week 1, a success...despite being rear-ended on my way to the brand new job on Monday.

I brought my...pencil!

2009-09-10T19:54:00.003-04:00

I'm a teacher again. For a while anyway. It was sort of like I never left, aside from the months of indecision, and searching, and interviewing, and agonizing. My new first graders are not really mine at all. They belong to Mrs. C and she will be taking them from me in November. I'm enjoying it now, being a part of a school, starting the new year, and teaching each day, but trying not to think of what will happen when it's over. First of all, I'm already getting attached to these kiddos, something I naively thought I could avoid. Secondly, come November, I'll be right there looking again. Although, there's not as much uncertainty as there was even a week ago. I know now that I won't have my own classroom this year. Also, I have some prospects after this job. Worst case, I'll be able to pick and choose certain schools to sub in and try them out. It's been a good, yet exhausting week. I'm still working full time at the crew, which means I didn't get to see Mr. Bananas at all Tuesday or Wednesday. We played today though, and he took 3 steps!! He's going to be walking any day.

This is for you Katohater, some more nuggets to philosophize over:
What is love?
Where is the soul?
What is the meaning of life?

Jenna...we love you no matter what. You had your reasons, and ultimately it's none of our business. I'm sorry you were unhappy for so long. And, just so you know, you can "for a saw bananas everyday."

Must be the full moon...

2009-09-04T23:12:00.004-04:00

What is with all the crazies? We won't even talk about Tuesday night at the crew...it was that bad with crazy customers. But today? Okay, so you're cool. You're mediocre looking and you have some cronies you call buddies that follow you around. You're sarcastic and love to show your buddies how clever you are. You come into my store. Do I bother you at your place of work? Do I make snide comments and treat you like you're less than dirt, and then ask if you're hiring? Do you really want a job? Maybe if I acted like you, and gave side fives that turned into awkward hand-holding at my interviews I'd get hired.

Okay, so you're shopping with your daughter. You don't want help...you don't NEED help from the "girls" in the store. You come out to find a new size or item for your daughter and look lost. I ask you if I can help you find something. You don't stop, or look at me, or act as though I'm a human being who is paid money to help people like you find what they are looking for. You want to do it yourself. That's fine, but don't treat me like I'm following you around the store putting on the high pressure sales. I apologize if this upsets you, but when you come into my store, we will try to help you.

Okay, so you're a security guard. I don't know if you get paid enough, but from my understanding, your job is to keep the mall and its occupants safe. I get it, you're working the late shift, you probably don't have to do much. I ask you to assist me in securing my store. You don't really respond in a way that makes me feel secure...in fact you hardly respond at all. What? You can't look at me? You can't respond to or even acknowledge a simple "thank you"?

All I have to say to you all is:
That don't impress me much.

Some pics of Jack

2009-09-03T20:38:00.008-04:00

Camping with Fred Bear.

Driving Daddy's Truck.

Eatin' Cheerios.

Bein' cute.

Showing us Hopson, his little bunny.

At the water table.

Frustrated Incorporated

2009-09-03T20:19:00.002-04:00

Wow, the time gets away from me being back home. Not as much time to sit on my computer and blog...or much of anything else. This summer has flown by and now I feel like a bundle of mush, held together by fraying nerves. While it's great to be back, I underestimated how much I'd miss Arizona. I DO NOT miss the heat, but I do miss most other things. Most notably, my job. I felt so good about my career and the work I was doing every day. I was a part of a community, a family that watched out for me and cared about me and welcomed me from day one. Now I have nothing but doors slammed in my face. I have interviewed at five different schools, made it to the second round for 3, and nada. Meanwhile I'm desperately sending out cover letters and resumes all over Kent and Ottawa county, attending sub meetings, preparing for a long term sub job, and working at the crew (where, by the way, I feel most wanted and appreciated these days). Oh yeah, and then trying to carve out some time with my wonderful family. I can't believe Jack will be 11 months on Sunday...he's almost a year old! Where has the time gone? On top of all this, without a teaching job we will need to continue with our living situation as it is now. We are eternally grateful to be able to live here, but it's wearing on us all...and it's all my fault. Basically, as soon as I get a teaching job, we can begin to think about our future again. At least in Phoenix we were making progress on paying down our debt and in our careers. Why can't our choices in life be made simpler? Why does everything have to be a trade off? Yes, I'm with my family and friends, and Jack is with his grandparents...so why do I feel more unhappy now, than I have in a long time?

Keep it secret, keep it safe

2009-06-25T21:34:00.003-04:00

Being back in the mitten has been outstanding. Despite some major adjustments on the homefront for all involved, things have gone rather smoothly. Dave is back at work at Sears, and I have begun working part time at the crew again. Jack has adjusted nicely and is a very happy boy most of the time. And we've gotten to reconnect with many of our friends and family already.

I am keeping up the job search, although postings have been few and far between. I had an interview yesterday for a job share position at a school that's 45 minutes away. This is certainly not the ideal situation, but it's a start. I won't know if made the cut for the 2nd interview until after the 4th of July. I also have an opportunity for a full time position at the crew. Decisions, decisions! I do love being back there, it's a great place to work. And I love the freedom it offers...if I want to go out on a Wednesday night, I can.

For now, I'm just happy to be home. It doesn't hurt that it's summer and I get to spend more time with my Bubba! And I'm loving this weather...bring it Michigan!

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T16:35:00.002-04:00

Hope everyone is having a nice Easter. Here, it's just another day. Maybe if Jack were older. Definitely if we were around family. I feel like I've been vacuum sealed for three years. Like life just stopped and here we've been in perpetual summer. But so much has happened in three years...it's kind of crazy. I'm so glad to be coming back home. There are many things we'll miss here...well, some things we'll miss here. Mainly Zac and Teresa and Mr. B. I guess I'll also miss having a job...but let's hope something materializes for me back in GR! I should be working on cover letters. It's so hard to sit down and do these things. It needs to be so perfect and I don't know where to begin. You have to sell yourself and I'm not good at that. I don't like sounding arrogant. I guess you have to start somewhere, right? So here goes:

To Whom It May Concern:

You need to hire me as a teacher at your wonderful school. I'm awesome. No one else will do. I care about my job and am darn good at it. I work tirelessly and obsess about doing things the best way possible for my students. So if you care about them, hire me.

I know it seems like I'm not taking this seriously, but I am. It's just that the whole thing is so silly. I could write whatever I want. Just check my references, they'll tell you.

Anyway, hope the Easter Bunny was good to you!

Is this lump out of my head?

2009-03-30T23:14:00.003-04:00

In my teacher induction program we're working on what's called the Teacher Supervisory Process. We have 8 professional goals that we analyze and collect evidence for. It's all about looking at what we do and reflecting on how we could do it better. So of course this also makes me reflect on my personal goals. My most important personal goal right now is to spend as much time as possible with Jack and Dave. Now this ties in with my professional life too because I need to be a much better time manager at work. I've always been a "set-asider"...I set things aside when I don't want to deal with them and I "get back to them" later. In reality I don't get back to them at all or I wait until I can't ignore them any longer. Lately, I've been forcing myself to take care of things right away. It's amazing how much more I get done. Usually, I'd throw something in my crate, intending to do it at home. Then, I get home and don't touch anything. Now, I take care of those little things before I leave, they take me 5 minutes, and I'm done. No more back burner, no more hanging over my head, no more to do list.

#6 on to do list (write blog post) completed

What happens when Daddy dresses me...

2009-03-27T22:06:00.001-04:00

My name's Jack. I like to punch bad guys and kiss girls.

2009-02-21T23:08:00.004-05:00

I love weekends. Today was great. Jack, the blue ninja as Dave's taken to calling him, got me up at 6:00 which is okay because I'm usually up at 5:00. We watched Daddy do his wii fit then we all took a short walk before he left for work. We hung out and played all day, he took some naps, I played some Zelda, we did some Baby Einstein. When Dave got home we took a big 3-miler to the park and back. After that we checked out the inflatable movie screen that had been erected at the pool for the "Dive-In Movie Night" (no, they did not name it that, but they should have). We decided we'd rather have taco-night and watch Fast Times at Ridgemont High. The tacos were delish (it's a word, I saw it on the cover of Good Housekeeping), the movie had a good nostalgic vibe, and you can't beat the snuggling with Dave and Jack. I only wish Dave didn't have to work tomorrow.

February

2009-02-19T20:45:00.004-05:00

Wow...things get busy with a little Jack around now! We had a great time at Zac and Teresa's wedding, it was very beautiful. It was Jack's first overnight trip and I think we brought everything we needed (and more) for him. Unfortunately I was so focused on remembering everything for Jack, that I forgot to pack my own undies! Jack got to meet his Aunt Jenna and Uncle Brett for the first time. He thought Brett was hilarious.

School's been busy. I feel like I'm in fast forward all the time because I get there later now in the morning and leave earlier in the evening. I have to be (or at least attempt to be) a lot more organized. I never feel like I have enough time to accomplish what I need to do. In addition, I need to start job hunting, which means getting my resume and cover letters ready. My resume was ready...and then our hard drive bit the dust. Hopefully we can recover our files.

We're very excited about coming back home. I'm ready to move now! I just wish we had our jobs and a home in place. It's so hard to think about leaving a good job for so much uncertainty...but we know it's the right thing to do.

It's been a crappy new year

2009-01-18T14:13:00.007-05:00

I don't know how to write this post...but I feel like I can't post anything else until I do, so, here goes. I was so excited for Christmas this year, Jack's first and my parents were coming back out. Not to mention the two full weeks I could spend with Jack. On the Monday morning before Christmas my mom woke me up with a
phone call. My grandma had had a stroke the night before. They were supposed to have their family Christmas party, but it was cancelled because of weather. I couldn't believe it, it didn't seem real. She survived and was breathing on her own and even communicating in small ways. On Friday they had to decide whether or not to put a feeding tube in. The doctors said she would never speak, eat, or be able to take care of herself, so the decision was made to let her go. She lived on for 10 days and passed away on Sunday, January 4. We were very close and it was hard for me not to be there, even though it was very hard on the people who were there.

I went back to work for a week plus I had to take a writing class on Saturday. On Monday I had a class after work too, and didn't get home until 7:30. I was exhausted, but Dave, who was home all day with Jack, looked worse. He said Bishop bit someone, again. The guy who lives above us was going up to his place while Dave, Jack, and the dogs were going down. The guy waved Dave on, Dave said, "They're going to bark and get aggressive," the guy told him it was okay because he worked at a kennel. Dave passed him and the guy stuck his hand out for the dogs to smell. In Bishop's world this means "I'm going attack you" so he bit the guy. Dave apologized and the guy just scampered up to his apartment. We've been worried about how Bishop would be around Jack, and so far he's been fine. After two bites in 3 months, we couldn't ignore our concerns anymore.

We had a hard decision to make, and Dave was strong enough to make us make that decision. We didn't feel comfortable asking friends to take him, it's a big commitment and Bishop has special needs. We thought about a shelter. When we boarded Bishop, he barked and growled at all the handlers and wouldn't come out of his cage. They would never find Bishop a new home, he wouldn't let them. So they would end up putting him down. We didn't want him to be scared for weeks and then be put down, alone. We decided we needed to put him down so we could be there with him. Thankfully, when Dave told Dan what happened, Dan said he would take Bishop. Then he discussed it with Zac and Teresa and they thought they would take him. They have a house and a backyard and Daisy, who Bishop gets along with (when she stops licking him long enough for him to think about it). It's been a really hard week. Thank God we didn't have to put him down. But, he's still not our dog anymore. We miss him, Hudsy misses him. We know he'll be happy, and Jack will be safe, but we're all so sad too.

2nd first day

2008-12-01T23:38:00.002-05:00

I went back to work today. I was actually excited on Sunday and relieved that the anticipation of it all would soon be coming to an end. This morning Jack woke up around 4:30 and Dave got up with him. My alarm went off 30 minutes later, just as Jack was going back to sleep...so I got a kiss and then got up. Everything was fine, I forgot to make a lunch but my wonderful husband offered to do it before he went back to sleep. He even got some oatmeal ready for me...sweet. I ate my oatmeal, started gathering up my things, then I started crying. It hit me out of nowhere...I was totally fine. I haven't been away from him for more that like an hour in 8 weeks and now I'm leaving him for over 12! I got one last weepy kiss and cried my way to the car. Soon I was okay and the rest of the day went well. My kids were really excited to see me and we had a definite honeymoon period...we'll see how long that lasts! Tomorrow I have to leave him with a sitter...someone I trust very much, but it'll still be hard. She lives across the street from school and will be bringing him by at lunch time! I'm sure there will be more tears tomorrow. At least the school days go fast, and I won't have an after school meeting that lasts until 7 for another month. Only 14 more days until Christmas Break and 2 more full weeks of Jack time!

Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T23:55:00.007-05:00

We had a lovely Thanksgiving this year. Full of good food, football, and good time! (No that isn't a typo) It was just Dave, Jack, Dan, and I this year, although the Tusconians were invited but had family plans. Dave cooked the turkey, I made some sweet sweet potatoes and Stovetop stuffing, and Dan took on the mashed potatoes and, quite ambitiously, the banket...mmm...delicious dutch dessert! The turkey was roasted to perfection, both varieties of potato were delicious, and the banket was nothing to look at...but it tasted great. The three games were essentially blowouts, though our Cardinals started to put up a fight. Jack was cute as usual. Plus, as a bonus, it was cold(ish) and rainy! What a great day.

the gnashing of teeth

2008-11-18T00:04:00.004-05:00

My aunts and grandma just left. It was our last round of out-of-town visitors. I'm left feeling more tired than I felt 5 days ago and relieved that at least I still have two more weeks of Jack time. Overall, this visit went better than I expected...I have never spent this much time with my aunts and grandma at once and I didn't know how that would go. It went well. Tonight however, was a different story. They went to the Grand Canyon yesterday and returned today. They leave tomorrow and we wanted to have them over for dinner and to say our goodbyes. They arrived here when they said they would and seemed to have enjoyed their trip. The evening started with Bishop biting my aunt on the forehead. A nice big gash that may need stitches. I think she felt as bad as I did because she has a "protective" dog at home and thought she should have known better. I still feel awful. Jack had been fussy all day and this evening was no different. He slept (mostly) while we were eating, but started to wind up again once we were done. So, I was subjected to a barrage of questions from my other aunt and grandma. They included, but are not limited to:

Is he hungry?

Does he need to be changed?

Maybe he needs to be burped?

Do you think he has a tummy ache?

What does the doctor/your book say about feeding him so often?

Maybe he needs his pipe (pacifier)?

Do you think it's related to the formula?

Have you tried putting him to sleep?

Have you tried walking with him?

Can I try walking with him?

Does he spit up every time you feed him?

Do you think he's having a reaction to the formula?

Is it really hard for you to see him crying?

Have you tried laying him across your lap?

Do you ever take his temperature?

Have his bowel movements been regular today?

When do you usually change him?

Do you go on errands with him?

(he sneezes once) Oh, maybe he has a cold?

Did he sleep today?

Did he have some alone time?

Etc.

I know they're just trying to be helpful, and I know they mean well, but I do just fine all day without them. And, here's a question: Do you think I'm actually able to calm my child down while you're firing a thousand questions at me? I'm not neglecting him, there is nothing wrong with him, babies cry...a lot. They get over-stimulated easily, and it doesn't help that there are five people talking at the same time and everyone in the room is tense. Yes, you can hold him and feel free to try and calm him down. Just as long as you take that tone out of your voice that suggests I'm not doing everything I can to soothe his cries. And stop feeling sorry for me and don't say things like, "at least some things are going well." It's all going well! We can handle a couple of fussy days, it doesn't mean he's not a good baby! I'm pretty sure I'm not very coherent right now...I couldn't even say these things out loud...I guess that's what my blog's for.

Things I didn't understand

2008-11-05T23:21:00.002-05:00

I never understood why people who had children and would show up late somewhere would always excuse themselves by saying how hard it was to get out of the house. Now I know...babies don't follow your schedule. I can't even get a real shower most days let alone figure out a schedule. I'm so stressed about getting Jack ready so I don't go insane when I go back to work. I know...people have done this for hundreds of years...but it's new to me so shut up! I can't believe how much energy it takes just to take care of one, tiny little person. Not to mention the energy it takes just to love him and worry about him every second. I never understood the responsiblity of being the person who is in charge of making this little guy a decent person, nevermind making the perfect life I wish for him. Every moment he's awake I feel like time is already slipping away and that I can never show him or tell him or teach him enough. I never understood how lonely it can be out here by myself, trying to show him that I love him more than anything, but not really knowing if he understands or at least feels it. I feel guilty for wanting a few minutes to myself...so I'm up now, when the boys are sleeping...feeling crappy about myself. I knew I was a perfectionist before...but I didn't understand how bad it could get.

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T15:06:00.002-04:00

One week

2008-10-15T15:45:00.005-04:00

Baby Jack turned one week old on Monday. I thought the occasion deserved my actually getting dressed. Things have been wonderful and overwhelming! People always talk about how difficult labor can be, but they don't always mention how difficult the first weeks can be. I guess that's because what you really remember are the good times spent with you baby. But I feel totally unprepared and by the end of each day I'm wiped. Thank goodness it's bedtime and I can sleep, right? Wrong. All of a sudden the baby who sleeps for 5 hours at a time during the day (sometimes) won't close his eyes until midnight!

All that said, I love being a mommy! He is so sweet and precious, I can't stop watching him, and all he does is sleep. I want to be able to do more with him, but I also want him to stay this way forever!

Changes

2008-10-02T11:43:00.003-04:00

Well, I did it. I quit work as of today. I feel really great about this decision, especially knowing that baby Jack will be here by Monday. That's right, I am being induced Monday at 9am if he decides not to arrive before then. It's weird...kind of like getting your braces taken off or something. I have an appointment to have my baby. Anyway, I'm very excited. And taking these extra couple days off of work is allowing me to rest up and actually be excited instead of just anxious.

I love the fall...too bad we don't have it in Phoenix. We're still reaching highs of 100 regularly and of course there are no color changes to speak of. Once we leave this city that burns with the heat of a thousand suns I'll be glad. I used to get so pumped up this time of year...the smell of the air, the leaves changing color and blanketing the ground, long walks in the woods. Now it's like those things don't exist. I never thought I would care about weather and climate so much. Hopefully for Jack's first birthday we'll be enjoying some fall weather and activities!

A case of the "Eli"s

2008-09-28T21:20:00.003-04:00

Almost a whole month since my last post...that may be a record for me. I've been wrapped up with work and preparing for baby Jack. Nothing very interesting is happening outside of that. I'm really anxious and very tired of waiting, expecting something to happen. At work I can't go two feet without someone asking me how things are going. It's very nice that everyone cares, but I'm tired of saying the same thing all day long. Plus, I don't want to be there all day and they all like to talk when I'm on my way (slowly) to get something done. It would be nice to be off work right now. Also my mom is getting very anxious and it's coming out in odd ways. Like worrying about cornering the market on Jack nicknames, and making sure I know that I can still call him by certain nicknames. All this anxiety is making me cranky, and I'm trying to just relax and not think about the labor and delivery. Except that it's all I can think about! I don't think my life was ever that exciting, but I'm starting to wonder if it will be this boring from now on...

Odds and ends

2008-08-30T15:20:00.004-04:00

I can't believe I'm already three weeks into the new school year. Time goes so fast, and I've been exhausted. I have a wonderful three day weekend ahead of me and I couldn't be happier about it! My wonderful husband did all the cleaning, including the bathroom and vacuuming, on Friday so I can just relax on my three days...he's so awesome!

My class this year is better, except they're a bunch of cry babies. I have kids crying everyday over one thing or another. Granted I scream at them and slap them all the time, but come on! (That was sarcasm if you need a clue). I don't know, maybe we're expecting too much from them these days. Maybe they have horrible lives at home and coming to school is just too much to take. Maybe they should all just get jobs and not worry about all this fancy shmancy education.

Oh, and here's a little tip for all you parents out there: please don't send your children to school with loose pants or extremely short shorts on. We sit on the floor, they get bored sometimes, and apparently boredom calls for the exploration of private parts! I don't want to see anymore wee wees or bajingos so please, dress your 6 year olds appropriately!

Monsoon season continues here in Arizona, and this year is much wetter than last. We had the worst storm in 12 years here in the valley on Thursday night. We lost power and everything. On Cactus, the street we live on, a series of power poles were knocked over by 85 mph winds. Luckily our power came back on in the night, but other people were still without it last night. It's been very humid too, which is making school miserable. My AC is out in my classroom and it sort of feels like a rainforest. The storms are causing problems for some people in the area, but for us they're fun to watch. A small payoff for the heat.

endings and beginnings

2008-08-10T20:33:00.003-04:00

Although the temperature continues to reach well over 100 degrees every day, my summer has come and gone. It was very short this year partly due to the fact that I taught summer school for a month. I, however, do feel rejuvenated and am ready to go back full tilt tomorrow. Having had a year like the last one was sort of freeing in a way. I kind of feel like whatever I face tomorrow, and in the weeks and months to follow, can't possibly be as bad as what I dealt with last year.

In addition to this, I have something new and wonderful to occupy my thoughts and "free" time this year! This Tuesday I'll be 32 weeks along and I cannot believe how fast it's gone. It has been wonderful being pregnant, I'm so lucky I didn't have any complications. We attended a childbirth crash course yesterday and toured the hospital. We learned a few new things and received a lot of good information. We have the nursery completed (mostly) and even have child care set up for when I return to work in December. Yet there is so much I feel we cannot plan for. But that's okay, we'll learn and we are so excited! So, here we go for another school year and so much more!

And don't forget...

2008-07-20T14:48:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday Dave! You're the best husband a girl could have!

Vacation!

2008-07-08T22:54:00.003-04:00

I'm pretty much packed, just those few things I still need to get ready with tomorrow. Dave's picking me up at noon to take me to the airport. Yay! I'm so excited for my little vacation. Here's hoping for cooler weather...and maybe some rain! I'm going to miss my hubby and my doggies. They'll have a fun time just being "boys"...Dave doesn't even have meals for the next few nights, I don't want to think about what he'll be eating. Oh he can cook, very well actually, he just won't because he doesn't have to! I take that back, he did buy some easy cheese...ah, sustenance.

Prison Break

2008-07-04T00:17:00.001-04:00

Yeah! My jury group has been released! I do not need to report on Monday!

Summer time

2008-07-03T11:30:00.003-04:00

Ah summer, aside from being excessively hot again things are going alright. I'm done with summer school and team planning and don't really have any other school obligations until July 30 and 31 when I have Zoo Phonics training. I do have jury duty on Monday which sucks. But then on Wednesday I'm off to GR for a visit! I'm so excited, I'll have almost a week to hang out and see people. I'll miss Dave and my doggies, but I'm not too worried...now that Dan's back in town I'm sure they'll hardly even notice I'm gone. Then when I get back, Jenna is staying for a few days...I don't know why anyone would want to come to Phoenix now. I suppose if you wanted to feel what it would be like to live in an oven...

It seems to be going fast and my head is spinning with all I want to get done before school starts. Because once it does, I don't think there will be much spare time to get ready for the baby. We have signed up for a "birth crash course" at the hospital in the beginning of August. I'm trying to finish my pregnancy books so I can start on books that talk about what the heck to do once you have a real live baby. I know this can't all be learned from books, but it's all I can do now to feel I've done my best to prepare. My loftiest goal, however, is to have my lesson plans at least outlined for the first two semesters of school. The point of this is to reduce stress before the baby is born and to be prepared for a sub for 9 weeks after the baby is born. I think I can do this without much trouble, the question is how bare will the outline get as I get further into the year. So much to do, so little time...and yet, my couch and that Harry Potter book look so inviting.

Bouncing here and there and everywhere...

2008-06-16T21:56:00.003-04:00

Yeah!! I have the best mom! We got a special package today. A father's day gift for Dave and Gummy Bears for me! Yes, straight from Meijer's! And let me tell you, they are delicious! The reds are so red tasting, and the greens are so juicy, and even the oranges are yummy like orange juice! I think I just might eat the whole jar tonight!

Icky Sticky

2008-06-15T23:59:00.003-04:00

Ugh! I hate excessive heat warnings. I hate pools that are too warm to cool you down. I am really and truly done with this weather. I feel like it's been summer for the last two years. I had a glorious dream last night. We woke up and it had snowed 6 inches! We all went outside and played in the snow. If I could just get a little rain I think I'd feel better. I'm only happy when it rains.

I don't know if it's this weather, or the fact that I have a lot more time on my hands now, or the pregnancy hormones, but I'm just feeling icky! I feel anxious all the time and worried about some unknown thing. So I sit and try to figure out what that unknown thing is and how to fix it. And of course I never discover what it is that I'm worried about. I'm pretty happy actually, so it's just a weird felling.

Zzzzzz...

2008-06-06T00:25:00.003-04:00

My first week of summer school is over, and while it would be nice to have this time off instead, it's not a bad gig. I only have 7 students who are all well behaved even if they'd rather be outside...and it's only 4 half days a week. The biggest problem is that when I get home I have lunch, usually a big one because I'm starving, then I get sleepy, then my body kind of shuts down on me. I have every intention of packing or sorting through things or doing other work, but it just doesn't happen! I'm excited that I have tomorrow off. I can get up and get all kinds of work done first thing in the morning.

We've started moving a few things over to the new apartment. We have until the end of June to complete our move...it's really kind of nice. We'll have some pictures to show soon.

I hate Arizona!

2008-05-30T14:37:00.003-04:00

Okay...let's talk cravings. Since Monday night I've a bad hankering for gummy bears. You know, bulk candy, $1.89 a pound at Meijers. So we go to our local Fry's Marketplace, and it turns out they don't have bulk candy. I do some calling around to other grocery stores...NO ONE has bulk candy! Okay, last resort...there are these stores called Fuzziwig's in the malls out here. I go in today, find the gummy bears, and scoop some out. I had a pound and a quarter. Do you know what it cost me? Do you? When the cashier said $13.29 I thought he was joking. NO! It costs $9.99 a pound or $2.99 for a quarter pound! I had already scooped them out, and my craving was not going away...so I paid. I can't believe it, I could have gotten 7 pounds at Meijers for what I paid, and they're not even the right kind! I could buy these at any grocery store, pre-packaged. What a stupid city.

Like Christmas

2008-05-10T17:09:00.005-04:00

I got my haircut today which I do only about once a year. Dave's not going to like it...but that's okay, I don't do it to make him unhappy, I do it to make me happy! I don't get it done very often because it costs like $45 plus a tip and if you try to go cheap (i.e. Supercuts) it doesn't usually turn out as well. Plus I never like going to salons where everyone is "better" than you and you make small talk with the person cutting your hair even though she's kind of snobby. All that said...it was really nice today. I went to this place last year and both times everyone was really nice. They kept offering me tea and water, and all the staff were friendly. Holly cut my hair, and because she was 8 months pregnant, we had a lot to talk about. It wasn't very busy so she wasn't rushed or anything and while she was shampooing my hair she massaged my hands with lotion. It was really nice to be pampered a little. Plus I really like my haircut and that always make me feel good about myself. I even made an appointment for a trim in July...I may just have to get my hair cut twice a year now!

Whatchu want ta drink...

2008-04-28T00:32:00.003-04:00

I love my new Jeep! Yes, we decided to buy the Patriot. I swore I would not buy a new car...it's not worth it, too much money, blah blah blah. I've never had a new car before and it's very exciting! This is why we are in so much debt probably. However...we'll own this car forever and there's a lifetime powertrain warranty. We drove it home last night and it was very cool. We even stopped at Taco Bell where the window guy called me "shorty". I asked Dave if that meant he thought I was hot...he said yes, he thought I was "urbanly complimented". I'll post real pictures soon.

Jeepers

2008-04-26T12:04:00.005-04:00

We are once again looking for a new vehicle. I don't think I ever posted about this, but last year in January we went out just to see if we could get any good deals and we ended up exhausted and furious. We were flat out lied to several times and one salesman started stalking me. Believe me when I tell you I was not exactly looking forward to doing this again. But...we need a more family-type vehicle that will be good for baby and dogs.

I have always wanted a Jeep Cherokee so we started looking for used ones. The problem is, people love these things, rightly so, and they keep them forever. They also stopped making the Classic Cherokee in 2001. We drove a 2000 and it just seemed so old! It's only three years older than our truck which still feels new to me. The ones that are really nice and have had only one owner are gone as soon as they hit the lot/internet. So, of course, we decided to see what kind of newer models Jeep had to offer.

First we looked at the Liberty, which we thought would have been comparable to the Cherokee. The front end was all chunky and I didn't really like it at all. It looked kind of like a baby hummer. Then we saw a commercial for the Patriot which we thought looked even more comparable to the Cherokee. We test drove one Thursday and really liked it. We got out of there before they could sink their claws into us (had to make it home for our shows anyway). We made an appointment to come back tonight. Last night we decided to look at a Ford Escape hybrid which we soon discovered is very hard to come by. We drove a non-hybrid Escape anyway and it was nice. What to do tonight? I'm not sure...

Give me a break!

2008-04-14T19:51:00.003-04:00

Blah! I'm cranky and crabby and I'm yelling at Dave and at the computer. I'm too frickin' hot and it's April...and I'm not even big yet. I'm exhausted. I'm sick of not knowing where we'll live in June or what we'll be driving or if I'll be teaching summer school. I'm sick of work. I'm sick of being strict with my kids and not just having fun. I'm sick of snapping at them when they do or say dumb things (which happens a lot when you're 7). I'm sick of apartments. I'm sick of Arizona. I'm sick of not seeing my friends and family. I'm sick of getting up at 5:00 a.m. (which has quickly become snoozing until 5:35). I'm sick of stupid dying phones!!!

At least I don't have to work at McDonald's tomorrow.

It's a renegade weiner dog

2008-04-13T12:31:00.004-04:00

It's funny how time can go so slow and yet so fast at the same time. I guess it's been about forever since I've made a post. On the other hand, I find myself just waiting...waiting for this school year to end, waiting to find out where or whether we'll move, waiting for some more noticeable signs of pregnancy, waiting for the next doctor's appointment.

I have one more thing I need to take care of before my provisional certificate can be converted to a standard certificate. This involves either taking a test or a class about the United States and Arizona constitutions. My district offered to pay for me to take the test so I decided to go that route. About a month or so ago I received the info and "study guide". The "study guide" is just a sample test with an answer key. After taking said sample test I realized I was going to fail. I contacted my district person and told her this and that perhaps I should pay for a class instead. She said, "Why not just take the test anyway and see how you do?" Okay...it's not my money. She told me about a book that many people were using to study from.

Time went by, the book was $35 so I neglected to purchase it. Finally, last weekend, one week before the test, I decided I better do something. So I plunked down the $35 plus an extra $18 for overnight shipping. The book was crap. My first clue was the thin paper and cheap cover...basically, I could have made this book at Staples. My next clue was the typo in the first sentence. The typos continued at a rate of about 1 per page. Fine, all this I was willing to accept if the book would just help me pass this test. I was skeptical because the sample test at the end of this book was made up of mostly knowledge type questions...remembering facts. Whereas the sample test in the official "study guide" was comprised mainly of application type questions...e.g. What was the significance of..., or What was the main reason for... And the book had none of this type of information in it.

I took the test yesterday. It was a disaster. I knew nothing and basically guessed at 85% of the test. Also, several questions into the test I realized that my book contained nothing about the US constitution which made up 60% of the questions on the test. I would say the $53 book helped me answer 10 of the 100 questions on the test. Now, I may be wrong, but I don't believe 10% would qualify as a passing score. I'm irritated and frustrated and I'm going to have to pay still more money to get this taken care of! BLARG!!!

Complaining

2008-03-21T12:19:00.004-04:00

I feel really tired and kind of cranky this morning. I don't why...I haven't really been doing much. Probably because spring break will soon be coming to an end. Tomorrow it will be just the weekend. I know...boo hoo, right? I told myself I would never get that way. My mom was always like that, couldn't enjoy days off because that meant the next day she'd be going back. I still have some school work to do and I'd like to get it done so I'm not stuck Sunday night doing it all...but on the other hand, I don't want to do it, and I feel like to get myself out of this funk I need to do what I want to do. Like play some Zelda. I started wind waker again yesterday. I still haven't touched the new game for the wii. I think I'm scared of it. Wind waker was the first or second Zelda I ever played so it felt really familiar and nostalgic to me. I'm more comfortable with it.

I'm really sore still from our hike on Wednesday. We went up Squaw Peak which was pretty spectacular. Also very strenuous...I don't think I'll be doing that again for a while. It kind of wiped me out. Not to mention that it gave me a wicked sunburn.

Hurray for D&W!

2008-03-10T23:21:00.003-04:00

So, I've been having more food aversions than cravings so far. But one thing I was craving was beef dip. D&W made the best beef dip, so good with tortilla chips and on flour tortillas. I went on D&W's website to see if I could find a recipe or something, and no such luck. So I emailed them. I didn't think I'd get a response so I found a recipe on All Recipes. It wasn't quite the same, but it tastes pretty good. Then today, I found an email from D&W! They didn't give me the recipe, but they gave me an ingredient list. I'm so excited that they responded...I'll have to try another batch soon using their ingredients. Once I find something that I LOVE, I'll post it on the cookbook.

2008-02-27T17:28:00.003-05:00

Hudsy the Druggie

2008-02-19T19:21:00.002-05:00

Dave took the boys to the vet today because they were due (in September) for some routine maintenance. Hudson has also been especially vigilant about scratching himself raw lately. Both dogs are healthy and disease free, but the docs seem to think Hudson has allergies. So I stopped and got him some Wal-dryl on the way home. We're supposed to give him 3 25mg tablets twice a day! First of all, he'll probably be trashed. Second, with a habit like that, he'll go through one box in 4 days! Luckily the Walgreen's brand was buy one get one free...we might have to have Aunt Jenna buy it in bulk and ship it to us!

Fast Forward

2008-02-10T21:17:00.000-05:00

We watched Click this weekend. At first it was the same old Adam Sandler in a Happy Madison production kind of shtick. But it actually ended up being a really surprising movie. Not award winning or anything, but still touching and more of a commentary on life. Had it not been Adam Sandler, I may not have been so impressed I think. Anyway, worth watching on DVD.

Have you ever thought about the weird power that cashiers have? It's very strange. They know things about you that most other people don't know. They know the clothes you like and the sizes you wear. They know the kinds of food you eat. They know when you're having a party. They know when you're having your period. They know what kind of books you read and what movies you watch. They know altogether too much if you ask me. If I can go to a self check-out lane versus a live checker, I will. I say up with the machines! Down with sly looks and smug smirks. Let my buy my personal items in peace.

Tired

2008-01-28T19:21:00.000-05:00

School has been draining lately. Coming back after winter break was nice and the kids seem to have grown up a bit. Things are running more smoothly and I know my kids well enough now to kind of predict what will happen during the day. I'm still teaching an after school class which I really love. It just seems like there's so much! Every week there's something going on that takes time away from my planning and time to work in my room. Lately I've been selfish with my time because I'm secretly plotting my departure at the end of the year. Also I've been trying to leave earlier so that I can spend time with Dave and actually feel like I have a life during the week!

This week, part of that life includes LOST! We'll serving up a bunch of tacos and fiesta rice along popsi of all sorts to the Tucson crew as we delve into a new season of LOST on Thursday. I'm so excited and yet...I know my questions will not be answered and am beginning to fear that they may never be answered. It doesn't matter I guess, I'll always be a fan. Then, a few days later, the crew will be coming up again for an awesome Super Bowl Party! Sure P. Diddy and John Travolta will be in Scottsdale, but we'll have fruit pizza dammit!

Blah, blah, blah

2008-01-21T17:49:00.000-05:00

For the record, I didn't do so well with my weekend to-do list. That's okay...I had fun anyway! I don't like getting all the stuff on my to-do lists done. When I finish and I have time left in the day it's like I don't know what to do next. I've been checking things off my list as I go and suddenly there's nothing left to check off. I'm hopelessly lost...if I do this, I won't be able to do that. Should I really start on that now? I can't do that...I don't have a car! So I'm stuck thinking about it all. Then I get this horrible feeling, not unlike boredom. Boredom! Who, at my age, can be bored!? So then I feel bad about myself and I do even less! So, in conclusion, unfinished lists are good.

Things I want to do this weekend...

2008-01-19T10:28:00.000-05:00

Get my school work done early so Monday can really be a free day.
Clean house.
Play some Big Brain.
Go take a hike.
Watch the three Netflix we have at home: Shaun of the Dead, The Notebook, and Sahara.
Go see Cloverfield. (check)
Find out who's in the Superbowl.
Go grocery shopping and pick up my pictures of snow. I took pictures in MI to show my kids who, for the past two cold mornings, gather in herds around tiny puddles of ice around the playground and just stare.
Go through our junk and take things that haven't been used in over a year to Goodwill.
Scope out Tempe Town Lake where Counting Crows will be playing a free concert the Saturday before Super Bowl.

Gladiators ready!

2008-01-06T23:00:00.000-05:00

I'm so frickin' excited! We're smack dab in the middle of the awesome American Gladiators premier. It's as glorious as expected...so cheesy, so deliciously silly that I can't take my eyes off it. I want to do the Eliminator. I don't want to go up against Gladiators...just try the Eliminator. The first two ladies looked like they were at death's door by the time they finished it. I want to see if I could do it. Forget exercise for loosing weight...I just want to do awesome things like that!

New Year's Resolutions

2008-01-03T16:02:00.000-05:00

Hmm..let's see. Post everyday! Nope, can't do that one anymore. Umm...exercise more! Well, I'd like to, but don't really see that happening. Uhh...be nicer to people? Ya know, but I was pretty nice last year...no, I think this year is going to be about me. About going for what I really want. When I have a decision to make, I'm going to ask myself only two questions:

"Is this good for ME?" and "Is this what I want?"

Maybe this sounds selfish. You see, I'm not excluding Dave from this decision making process because we're married. Therefore, what I want is what he wants too...or else.

Yup...no more Mrs. Nice Lady, I'm doing what I want. Oh, I'll still be nice...it's nice to be nice. I just won't be nice to point where I'm gritting and grinding my teeth into a smile whilst cursing people out in my head because I'm doing something that is not what I want.

And a Happy New Year to you.

Bah Humbug

2007-12-10T22:36:00.000-05:00

Okay...I was all in the Christmas spirit, not really a care in the world about pressures and stresses at school, missing the snow but doing alright because of the cooler weather and the rain...and dammit if Kato isn't right. First of all, feel free to comment, to commiserate with me Kato, but I don't want to hear an "I told you so." We all know you told me so, we can go back and read it in black and white.

WHY!?!? If it says releases on Dec. 11, why are you releasing it on Dec. 10? Don't you think I would rather receive my LOST on Tuesday than on Wednesday? If this is a "service" you are providing your customers why not tell us about it? I'm ticked. This was what was going to get me through until we leave. Now what do I have!? Nothing! I have frickin' whiny and bratty kids and a lot of frickin' work to do! Booooo Netflix! I'm not happy...in fact I look like Kate right now.

Good things

2007-12-08T11:09:00.000-05:00

Things are in motion now. The ginormous cookie dough sale I was heading up at school is over (mostly) and we're in full swing countdown to vacation mode. Yeah...things in the old classroom are still hectic and chaotic, but at least we get to do lots of fun things too. Plus I took what we call a "mental health" day yesterday with my teammates and we all went shopping!

We are currently holding both of our Netflix movies to send out on Monday so that we can be sent our LOST season 3 on Tuesday! Hopefully we can finish all of season 3 before we leave...there may be some late nights in the coming weeks.

The Christmas shopping's not quite done, but will be next weekend after our IKEA trip! Today I'll be wrapping what we have and trying to figure out how best to pack it. That's the most exciting thing happening...we're actually planning the details of our trip! I can't wait to see everyone and everything. I can't believe it's been over a year. It's weird when I think about the fact that we live in Arizona...it still doesn't feel real.

American Gladiators

2007-12-03T21:59:00.000-05:00

Is anyone else excited about this? I loved that show. I don't remember watching another show as religiously as this one besides Full House during that time. Blaze, Ice, Lace, yeah they were kind of gross looking with their over-sized muscles and tiny leotards, but they were still awesome. Thunder, Malibu, they were hotties...maybe their hair was longer than mine, and they were prettier than me, but who cares! I can't wait for the remake of this show. I hope it's as cheesy and deliciously 80s as ever!

I'm dreaming of a wet Christmas

2007-12-02T11:34:00.000-05:00

It finally rained here. Beginning on Friday and continuing through most of Saturday it rained off and on...it was spectacular. It was the biggest newstory, the best conversation starter, and the bane of those out driving. People go crazy when it rains here...and I'm starting to understand why. It just doesn't happen here. Dave said the best-seller at sears on Friday was windshield wipers...they just can't handle it, they're not prepared. Can you imagine if it snowed?

I'm sick again. Little germ monsters in my class. They're coughing all over me when I'm trying to give them one-on-one help, and I can't just run away from them. I even send them to the nurse because they're coughing so hard they can't talk or take a breath, and she sends them back! I don't want them here spreading germs everywhere! Send them home! At least it's on the weekend and I can take care of myself. I made one trip out yesterday. I dropped Dave off at work then headed out to Kohl's at Desert Ridge to spend my Kohl's cash. After that I got my cold supplies including a box of Lipton tea and some chicken noodle soup. I never used to like tea because it always smells so good, and then tastes bland. I really like to have it when I'm sick because it's very soothing. I got Green Tea with orange, passionfruit, and jasmine and it's very good.

...bringing good cheer

2007-11-24T11:54:00.000-05:00

Well I did it...I braved the Black Friday shopping experience. It really wasn't that crazy, I only went to Kohl's and Target. The craziest thing about the experience was waiting in line for an hour at Kohl's. And by the time I got to Target to pick up my $4.50 mini-crockpot I didn't even have to wait in line. I'm not sure how much money was actually 'saved', I wasn't out for any big ticket items. I think if I were to have the funds to get all the Christmas shopping done during that time some money might be saved. Really though, this is America...we don't save our money, we get MORE for it.

We watched A Charlie Brown Christmas last night. I was surprised when I opened the Netflix envelope to see that it was only 25 minutes long! It makes sense when I think about it...the childrans don't have very long attention spans. Same thing with How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I guess when you're little things seem to take a lot longer...movies, car rides, the passage of time in general. I can remember waiting for Christmas morning or the start of a birthday party and it was like torture! Now things all move too fast...including the passage of time. If you ask Maryanne, I'll be dead tomorrow.

The real game post

2007-11-12T12:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday's game was Awesome! Dave has already detailed much of what happened. I guess I'll just post some pictures! It was really kind of surreal to be there, especially when we first found our seats. I went all star-struck because we were so close and Kurt Warner was right there! It was amazing...so much fun!

Tailgating success!

Some of the action from the game.

Me and Dave...and Dan, taking the picture.

Cardinals win 31 to 21!

The amazing stadium where Super Bowl XLII will be!

Fear and Loathing in Arizona

2007-11-12T12:31:00.001-05:00

Okay, so there are two posts I want to write about the game yesterday...one detailing how awesome it was...and one describing the ways in which I hate myself. I'll start with the latter which will only be interesting to me so you may proceed to the next post.

Why do I let stupid people and stupid remarks bother me? I never used to think of myself as a sheltered, anxious person but now I know that I am. I have high anxiety about new situations especially when they're out of my comfort zone. I think my biggest fear about these situations is that someone will take one look at me and tell me "You don't belong here." That's exactly what happened yesterday on our way to the game.

We arrived and parked with plenty of time to do a little tailgating. This is what I was most "worried" about because many people consider tailgating to be an artform and they get really into it. We did it successfully and we weren't even the worst one's at it. Some people around us just stood by their trunks and ate snacks from a grocery bag. We had a grill, we had chairs, we had beverages, in short, we were prepared. Feeling good about this experience and ready to watch some football up close and personal, we headed toward a free shuttle bus that would take us to the stadium. It was on this shuttle bus that the angering happened.

It was pretty crowded and we found three seats perpendicular to the backmost row of seats on the bus. In the backmost row were a couple with their infant, and I assume the father and little brother of one of the couple. All were clad in AZ gear, and most were drinking. Everyone was keeping pretty much to themselves when some frat boy yelled "Let's go Lions! Punch 'em in the mouth!" Woo hoos and screams erupted from several locations on the bus. I looked at Dave and Dan and we kind of smirked as Dan would also be cheering for the Lions and Dave and I were "cowardly Lions" in our Cardinals T-shirts. That was all good fun until the "Father" in the backmost row starts picking on me. He looks around and says "Hey, how 'bout some excitement? You're not even smiling! Aren't you happy to be going to this game?" Now first of all, if you want some excitement, why don't you show some yourself? Second of all, I hate it when people tell me I don't look "happy" enough. You don't know me! What the hell do you care. I'm terrible at dealing with these situations so I smiled and said, "Yeah! Thanks." Don't ask me what that was supposed to mean...but he left me alone. Until we had stopped and people started getting off that is. We were just about to stand up, I was almost free when he looks at me again and says, "Well c'mon, do you even like football?" Trying to ignore him I stood up. Then the frickin' little brother says, "Yeah, or did you just buy the T-shirt?" I got off the bus and said some pretty choice words to them...once they were out of earshot that is. You fucking belligerent fools! Who the hell are you to decide whether on not I like football and am excited for the game? Who the hell are you to pick on someone who's rooting for the same team you are, and minding their own business? Fucking snobs. I'm sorry, I didn't realize I had to get drunk, put on a skanky halter top, and act like an idiot to show my enthusiasm.

I obsessed about this for most of the game and got angrier and angrier. Everywhere I looked I failed to fit in. I like the way I am, I like not fitting in because I think most people are idiots. But what really pisses me off is when someone tells me that because I don't fit in, that because I don't fit their perception of how things should be, I don't belong. I paid just as much (and probably more because we had frickin' awesome seats) to come to this game as you did. I bought a Cardinals shirt to show some team spirit, and yes, as a matter of fact, I do like football...a lot! So you can take your stupid old man, drunk-ass, mean comments and shove 'em up your ass!

Answer: Appe-sluts

2007-11-10T20:11:00.000-05:00

Question: What is the opposite of Appe-teasers?

I hate the pink eye. I already had the pink eye this year. Now I have to wear glasses to the big game tomorrow. I can't see as well with my glasses!

How does one tailgate? I'm intrigued but I'm also nervous about doing it wrong...I don't think I'm cool enough.

Fountain Mountain is very disappointing without a straw. Damn the Taco Bell for forgetting my straw.

Hooray for three day weekends. Boo for pink eye.

Oh yeah! Alright!

2007-10-27T19:19:00.000-04:00

I guess not many interesting things are happening as of late...work is jam-packed as always, what with conferences and Halloween next week. But I'm done with my evil Tuesday night class! Two good things came of it: I got some good ideas for new and improved centers, and I am certified to teach an after school English Language Learner class for students. This means extra money (which is always good) and more experience (which never hurts). We are struggling right now as we convert from a traditional report card to a standards based report card. The time involved is overwhelming especially as we come upon the busiest time of year Holiday-wise.

I'm looking forward to the Cardinals vs. Lions game in two weeks. First presence at an NFL game ever! I even have the next day off due to Veteran's Day. The following week is Thanksgiving and will be extra short! After that it's just 4 weeks to Christmas Break and our trip back to Grand Rapids...I can't wait!

I have a problem...

2007-10-21T00:13:00.000-04:00

Actually it's more of a void in my life. A LOST sized hole that can only be filled with more Jack, Kate, Sawyer, and Hurley. We've already finished seasons 1 and 2 on DVD and are anxiously awaiting the release of season 3 on Dec. 7. While watching the first two seasons again for the 3rd time, we came to a realization. So many questions...each new episode brings up new questions and never any answers. In fact, the questions that you assume have been answered (the polar bear, the living smoke, the shark, etc.) because we are so aware of them, have still been untouched. I thought that watching past episodes again would clear things up but it only brought up more questions. The thing is, that all these unexplained things seem to be happening for a reason and seem to be well planned. Is it wrong that I have the same faith in the creators of LOST to explain all to me in the end as I do in my own creator to explain to me the mysteries of the world when I die?

Now with Premonition?

2007-10-17T00:58:00.000-04:00

"How can it be so bad?" I'd ask myself over and over. I'd reason that it had Sandra Bullock...and an interesting premise. Original? No. But intriguing nonetheless. Today, Tuesday (I think), it came in the mail. I knew it would, I got a premonition...I mean an email about it on Friday. No wait...it didn't come today, we watched it today. Yeah...it came in the mail on Saturday. Hmm...only I wasn't here to get the mail on Saturday. So we got it on Monday. It was sent on Friday, and we got it (I think) on Saturday, we got back from camping on Sunday...no wait Monday and got the mail, then we watched it tonight, Tuesday. Confused? Me too.

I was hoping, praying for a decent and intelligent ending...it was one of those movies that could have been okay with a decent ending. But it had a crappy, predictable ending and didn't answer or even address any logical questions. The writer didn't even try to connect the dots or make things plausible. There was a lot to work with and it just failed miserably. I'm so disappointed.

It has to be a "sperm" whale doesn't it?

2007-10-15T19:20:00.000-04:00

Ah the great outdoors...we just returned from our first Arizona camping trip and it was pretty awesome! We spent 3 nights in the Fool Hollow Campground in Lakeside, AZ. We arrived around 8:30 p.m. on Friday night to a preset Kitzbuel and fairly windy conditions. The Tucson gang had arrived around 5:00 p.m., set up camp, and drank a few beers. We set up our gargantuan (100 x 75 feet easily) tent for only the second time ever in the dark and got to work making burgers. It was a delicious dinner and the time flew as the wood burned down. That night was very windy...it was prepare for takeoff windy. The dogs were scared and very unnerved at the prospect of spending the night in a tent that shook violently with every gust of wind. We made it.

The next morning was just as windy and Dave kept saying things like "What do you expect? We're on top of a mountain!" This did not have the calming effect I'm sure he intended it to have. We took a hike down to the lake and met a humongous squirrel...he could have held his own with Hudsy. It was much nicer down by the lake with the giant rocks as cover. We ate a lot, we got a lot of wood, we burned a lot of wood, and the wind finally died down. This evening was much calmer and a little cooler as well. We ate burgers again and chilled by the fire, having our normal abnormal fireside discussion. Ready for a much more restful night, we turned in only to be awoken at 4:00 a.m. by a dog fight. Were they wild dogs? Were they pets loose and on the prowl? We'll never know, but they barked for hours and finished with a hearty howl at the moon.

On our final day, I had a killer headache and sunburn (my face was purple) and I missed a lot of it. By all accounts I think it was a pretty lazy day, I spent most of it sleeping the tent. Dan left around 4:30 for his training the next day in Phoenix. Our mission for this third and final night: burn all of the wood from the 11 foot tree we scavenged from the grounds. Oh it was difficult, but we did it. Our asses did not leave our camp chairs except to get food, use the bathroom, or warm said asses. The Buttons got pretty cold really early and his mission for the night was to get inside the tent. He whined for hours on end while our wood pile dwindled. He paused momentarily as a very surprising cat fight ensued just yards away from us. Were they wild bobcats? No, just some random house cats that looked like Rusty and a gray Rusty duking it out on the cliffs. Finally, when I got up to use the restroom for the last time that night, Hudson made his move. Apparently, he climbed up into my camp chair, Zac covered him with a fleece blanket, and he fell asleep. Later when we did go to bed, he was shivering so we let both dogs sleep under the covers with us. This was the warmest of the nights...although I had to fight for a place on the air mattress.

We got up this morning, and left around 11:00 a.m. The drive back offered some spectacular views of Salt River Canyon. We made it back in about 3 hours...record time. It was a fun trip, but we're all happy to be home!

Letters I will never send, part deux

2007-10-06T23:10:00.000-04:00

Dear Letter Carrier Lady,
I am sick and tired of your so-called service. Our mail doesn't show up until after 5:00 p.m. except on those few occasions when it randomly shows up at 2:00. You think that part of your job includes standing with your hands on you hips and talking with our hundred-year old neighbors while our mail sits undelivered. I have become very suspicious of you as of late and do not trust you with my Netflix. Since moving into your zone of terror, we have been delivered either cracked DVDs or no DVDs at all. I have never in my life experienced such problems with mail delivery. Do you know why this is a letter I will never send? Because even if I sent it, it would likely never reach its destination!

You really think you're in control?

2007-10-03T21:32:00.000-04:00

I cried on the way home last night for all I'm not and all I am and all I want to be. It was really silly, because I don't have big problems like cancer or surgery or death, but all the little things can be overwhelming too. I was listening to the acoustic cover of Hey ya and I just kept picturing this dance I wanted to do...but I don't feel adventurous enough or brave enough to do it anywhere and this brought on sobs. I wanted to scream but couldn't do that either which brought on more sobs. Don't ask me what's wrong with me...I wouldn't know where to start.

Letters I will never send

2007-10-03T00:37:00.000-04:00

Dear Einstein Bros. Bagels employee,
I'm sorry you're having a bad day. I came to your store for nourishment between the end of a long school day and the beginning of a long class and I expected to be treated decently. I waited patiently after I ordered my turkey sandwich on Asiago and watched silently as the 5 other people in my party ordered and were served. I asked a simple question, whether my sandwich was ready or not. You informed me that you already made all the sandwiches. You demanded to know the sandwich I was waiting for. You smartly replied that you handed that sandwich out...yet there I stood empty handed. You yelled at me because you were out of Asiago bagels. You stomped furiously while your embarrassed coworker made my sandwich on a 6-Cheese bagel. You promptly threw my bag in my face after the sandwich was stuffed so hastily inside. You slammed the make-line doors shut in anger as I walked out of the store with your coworkers apologizing in the background. I'm sorry you can't do your job as well as any McDonald's or Taco Bell employee could. I'm sorry that 7 orders in a row threw you off. I will not return to your place of business.

Dear SEI instructor,
I am not a master teacher nor do I claim to be. I am taking a required course from you and would appreciate it if you could teach me something. I certainly try not to ask stupid questions, I'm sorry if you think I'm a trouble maker. Your directions are not clear. I have learned that it's okay to act silly and talk to your colleagues only if the teacher likes you. I have learned countless ways NOT to treat my students. I would appreciate some insight or inspiration about teaching rather than the backhanded, snide remarks about how perfect you are. Your implications to me are that I am a failure and my comments or questions are of no value and not worth your time. If I had paid for this class, I would ask for my money back.

Je m'appelle Claude

2007-10-01T23:19:00.000-04:00

I decided to come home "early" today...so I left at 4 p.m. It was good enough, although I just can't settle my brain. I'm like a bundle of nerves and worries. All I want is to do my job and do it well. Plus, is it too much to ask to have some time with my husband and the doggies? Lately it feels like no matter how much I do, how much I get done at school, how much I bring home, the worry and the anxiety do not go away. So why stay so late? Why bring so much home? I was trying to convince myself that at least I was getting caught up and there would be less to do next week...but it just keeps going. I keep thinking, if I feel this way already and last year at this point I wasn't even here, what will the rest of this year have in store for me?

I'm finding it really difficult to stay positive with the kids and with my coworkers. We're tired, and overworked, and underpaid, and sometimes, wouldn't ya know it, those darn kids just don't listen. It's like they don't care what we have to say, God forbid! All they care about is having fun...yes FUN...can you believe it! Here we're offering hours of worksheets and training for standardized tests and all they can think about is lunch, or kickball, or getting a drink! A drink!?!? What, do you live in a desert or something? And I'm getting upset over this?? Yes, I am...it sounds so silly now, but while I'm standing there in front of them it's all I can do to not yell out, "Sit down! Do your work! You should know this!" I have to work on finding my zen-like self.

whether it's funny or not

2007-09-29T12:07:00.000-04:00

Ah Saturday morning...I never loved Saturday mornings so much as I do now. I take the doggies for a walk, have as long a shower as I want, let my hair dry however it wants, eat an actual sit down breakfast, and drink my coffee from a non-sippy-type-cup.

It's finally cooling off outside and the weather in the morning is just right to sit on our porch and drink that coffee. Only trouble is we've got new neighbors directly across from us and they are major porch people. I wish I were the type of person who felt no anxiety about sitting on my own porch when the neighbors are out...but I am not. I am not your friendly neighbor. I'm polite and I smile and wave, but I don't stay and talk. Plus, the woman has one of those really annoying laughs where she just kind of audibly sucks in air with a couple of chuckles thrown in here or there for good measure. I don't think I could be friends with someone who suck-laughs.

For now I guess I'll just have to settle for having the windows open...maybe I can sneak out when they go back inside.

...and the one she got was sorta rotten and insane

2007-09-20T21:41:00.000-04:00

I put on a silly cd on my way home from work. I guess I needed to blow off some steam. If you know me well, you know how little I actually change the disc in my cd player. (Another 10 points to whoever can name at least 3 of the 10 or so discs in my case right now)

I need the small things like rocking out with the band, or like having something exciting to watch on the boob tube, or a little Starbucks treat now and then...incidentally, don't you think the word Starbucks should be recognized by spell check these days? I mean Kleenex is, and it's a brand name. I can see my children using "starbucks" as a general term for coffee some day. Especially since the corporation is behemoth. Anyway, life's too short to only worry about work but that seems to be all I have time for lately. Well, that and pop-culture. I must go now because it's time to get LOST, and there's a delicious cheese pizza, just for me.

Humdrum

2007-09-19T20:59:00.000-04:00

Hmmm...what to write about? I have nothing that interesting, I just want to stay in the habit of writing. I could tell you about my observation last week during which I'm pretty sure my principal fell asleep for a couple minutes. I could tell you about the class from hell that I am taking in which fellow educators treat us like 6 year olds. I could tell you about the "cool down" we've been having out here...yeah, now it's only like 95 degrees during the day. My class is getting better...my one major behavioral problem is now on Ritalin and it helps him during work time.

I know...I'm super excited about the football and also LOST. Yes I know season 4 doesn't start until like January, but we're going back and watching them all again. It's kind of like doing our homework I guess. We're watching very closely for any sign that will help us understand...we haven't seen any yet. Up tonight - season 1 disc 4.

Damn Post Office...what are they, Irish?

2007-09-08T22:12:00.000-04:00

I hate you Netflix! One of my last true joys at this time is receiving a bright little red envelope in the mail. Lately those envelopes have contained scratched or even cracked DVDs. Now, we seem to have sent our latest movies to the Bermuda Triangle. Granted, Monday was a holiday but it's not like it was Mother's Day where the mailmen are inundated with cards and such. I put the netflix in the mailbox on Sunday...this means they should have gone out Tuesday and arrived and been processed on Wednesday. I should have had my first two discs of LOST season 1 on Thursday!! Instead, my netflix account still thinks I have a stupid Jim Carey movie at home! Maybe it's the post office I should be mad at. We never had problems in Michigan or even at Greenspoint. Maybe it's our stupid mail-carrier. Shows up to deliver the mail at 5 p.m. or later, slow and not friendly. Maybe someone knocked over the mailbox by Subway. I'm sorry Netflix, I still love you.

*10 points if you can guess where the title quote is from.

bite the bullet

2007-08-25T12:15:00.001-04:00

Why do I find it so difficult to sit down and write during the school year? Ah well, I guess I should be glad that things are back to normal now...having the summer off was too much time to think, although it was also a much needed break.

I've been having weird dreams lately...about going back to work at j.crew, about The Office ~ in this dream I actually said "Pam-a-lamma-ding-dong" apparently in imitation of Michael, and of course about school.

I borrowed the seventh and final book of the Harry Potter series from a woman at work. I'm kind of sad to finish it...I've been getting to know the books all summer and now I don't want it to end. I'll be reading it slowly anyway...not much time to read for fun anymore.

The first two weeks of school were really tough. They wiped all my energy and every waking moment is spent thinking about school. I just can't turn it off.

I want to wish both Ted, and Jenna and Brett good luck in Florida! Hurricane season is always the best time to move to Florida, I say.

Like I do

2007-08-12T19:54:00.000-04:00

Where did the summer go?

I read Harry Potter 1-5 and am now halfway through 6. I also finished Digital Fortress...yawn.

I saw Pirates 3, Spiderman 3, Transformers, and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix in the theater.

I watched many a Netflix including the Indiana Jones trilogy, and made it through 7.5 seasons of Friends.

Oh yeah, we moved.

I cut yards and yards of laminated materials, made 17 file folder games, and planned centers for the coming school year.

I walked the dogs every day and did a lot of remedial training with them.

I went to Vegas for the second time in my life.

I went to a Diamondbacks game.

I watched fireworks from atop a mountain.

I celebrated my 26th birthday and my 6th wedding anniversary.

I passed my Arizona educators exams.

I got my hair cut.

I laid by the pool.

I am now about 13 hours away from starting my second school year and I am really nervous and anxious...they're just kids right?

How to save a blog:

2007-08-04T20:38:00.000-04:00

Step 1: Write even if you're busy and don't feel like it.

Step 2: Keep it simple...stupid.

Next: (I don't think there is a step 3 in the song, hell, there may not even be a step 2) Constant Vigilance!

Fourthly...I don't know what I'm saying. I went to Vegas for a conference...it was okay, certainly not as fun as it was in May. I saw more new things though and ate at Margaritaville and Wolfgang Puck's. Then I had Academy which was in town and BEGIN which was in town. I go back Monday...see you next summer!

Here it comes!

2007-07-23T19:14:00.000-04:00

Oh boy oh boy oh boy! The storm's a-comin'! The sky is purple black, the lightning is spectacular, there have been a few rolls of thunder...no rain quite yet. But we are under a flash flood warning. I just hope it delivers this time. Clouds of dust are rolling in over the valley and all news choppers are poised and ready to nab the exact same "best" shot. We saw three hovering in a row as we left the teacher's store. Okay...gotta go watch!

Running and reading...no wait...just reading

2007-07-22T15:21:00.000-04:00

I bought some new tennis shoes on Thursday...an event that hasn't occurred in probably 10 years. It was painful, just ask Dave. I am very indecisive and cheap...a bad combination when shopping. I always think there will be something I like better and that is less expensive right around the corner. Frequently I end up not buying anything because of my inability to make up my mind. I liked the way these looked and they were on clearance...still $50 bucks though. I tried on the $39.99 Reeboks and they just looked ugly. If I'm gonna have these for another 10 years, I guess I'd better like the way they look.

On a different note...I am officially a Harry Potter fan. I'm a bit of a late bloomer when it comes to this sort of thing and I'm only half-way through book 4. I'd seen all the movies (1-4) and just started the books this summer. I really want to see Order of the Phoenix in the theater but I am going to finish book 4 first. I'm so nervous with all this Harry Potter hype because of the movie and the last book, I don't want any spoilers. It's just so stressful knowing that the last book, the ending, is out there and people are reading it...people are finished reading it! I'll just have to be very careful until I have finished the series. Until then, with regard to the ending...Keep it secret, keep it safe!

Who's Birthday is it today?

2007-07-21T11:18:00.000-04:00

This guy!

Happy Birthday to the best husband in the world!!

2007-07-20T15:17:00.000-04:00

I love you!

Not Impressed

2007-07-16T20:04:00.000-04:00

So, I guess we got our first taste of the "monsoon" weather. Yesterday morning around 4:25 Bishop woke us up with his incessant whining. He is terrified of thunderstorms and all things associated with them. We saw the flashes of light and heard the rumbles of thunder. We both had the same idea...so we got up and sat on our porch. It smelled like rain...it was wonderful, only we'd missed it. The street was covered in puddles and the sky still rumbled now and then, but the storm was over. I'm so sick of this! It's too hot and dry and I want some storms! The 10-day forecast looks promising...isolated or scattered thunderstorms Thursday through next Wednesday...but we'll be lucky to see any precipitation I think.

Get your kicks

2007-07-14T15:33:00.000-04:00

Dave and I are planning on returning to Michigan around Christmas. My parents offered to fly us home and Dave just recently secured the time off so I could let them know our exact travel dates. This left us with only a few options for the dogs:

1. Find someone to watch them. As the only people we know in this state with whom we would entrust this task live two hours away AND in apartments AND have lives, we decided against this option.

2. Bring them to a swanky pet hotel/daycare camp. This is very expensive and we did not have a pleasant experience with this before. Plus Bishop is a dog with rather "special" needs...i.e. if he doesn't know you, he doesn't trust you and if he doesn't trust you, he wants to kill you. Not exactly a happy camper.

3. Board them at a kennel. The people that run these places are trained and have, I'm sure, encountered many dogs with special needs. I think they would at least know how to handle Bishop. Our vet works closely with a kennel and she recommended them if we ever need to board the dogs. I just can't help seeing Hudson's sad little smushy face behind the bars of a kennel for a whole week. Bishop would probably die from anxiety. We didn't feel good about this option either.

4. Bring them with us. Obviously we liked this option the best, however, it too is very expensive. It would cost us over $500 each way to bring them on the plane, not to mention purchasing crates and the anxiety the trip would cause them. This turned out to be the least plausible option.

We were very discouraged and not really excited at all about making the trip. We were just about to breach the subject with the Tucsonians when I said, "What if we just drove?" We got really excited and thought about it, and talked about it, and googled it, and then we decided! Secret option #5 it is! Although still tentative based on the actual date of one of the Christmas parties, we plan to leave Saturday, December 22nd at 4 a.m. and drive to Springfield, MO (approximately 10 p.m.). Then drive to Kalamazoo on Sunday and spend the night there at Dave's mom's house. The rest of the time we will stay with my parents in GR and we'll leave again on Friday morning. Yay! I can't wait...I love road trips and it will be so much better than the move because Dave and I will be in the same vehicle, and we'll be able to make much better time when we're not hauling all of our worldly possessions along with us.

I don't like being teased

2007-07-11T12:13:00.001-04:00

Not too bad...right?

2007-07-09T20:07:00.000-04:00

Well, it's a little cooler here today, only 101 degrees right now...and yes, that is all I have to talk about these days. My life's just not that interesting at the moment. I walk the dogs in the a.m., we hang out and have breakfast, I clean for a while, read some Harry Potter, have some lunch, maybe do some school projects, and that's about it. Dave gets home around 5 p.m. and we go swimming, get ready for dinner and watch some Friends (just finished disc one of season 4) or Netflix. Not very exciting, but it's just what I need right now. I was worried that I'd get restless and try to make a rash decision like moving to Colorado or something. But I've actually fallen into quite a nice routine and am content with the thought of staying in the Valley of the Sun for a while longer. Just think, in three months it will begin to cool off and be tolerable again.

Blame it on the rain

2007-07-06T12:53:00.000-04:00

Just after we moved in here we discovered (the hard way) that we need separate pool keys. Next day, we went to the office to retrieve them. Our leasing agent was sitting in the annoying guy's desk and in her desk was an even more annoying older lady. She attempted to jump on us in her own "helpful" way as soon as we walked in. We ignored her, turned and smiled at our leasing agent and promptly told her our problem...she apologized and got to work right away finding our pool keys. As I'd been to see her several times before that, we frequently talked about the weather. "It doesn't seem as hot today," I remarked casually. "Yeah," she said. "Definitely not as hot as the last couple of days." Everyone, it seemed, was content with this small amount of idle banter. Everyone except the dinosaur sitting behind us. "Oh it HAS to be hot!" We turned, confused, and looked at her. "Otherwise the monsoons won't come. It gets very hot and then right after July 4th that heat draws the monsoons in," she explained making what I can only assume she thought were meteorological gestures. The three of us smiled a smile that was meant to say "anyway", we grabbed our keys and left our poor leasing agent at the mercy of the dinosaur.

Well dinosaur lady, it's already July 6th and it's 103 degrees at 10 a.m. Your frickin' monsoon thunderstorms better get here soon!

I hate it when Dave is right

2007-07-04T18:44:00.000-04:00

So, the mystery was solved at about 8:05 this morning. I got up around 7:15 so I could take Dave to work. I brushed my teeth, got dressed, made the bed, and threw my hair up in a pony tail. Dave took the dogs out and came back in saying the grass was too wet for Hudsy and he decided not to potty. Oh well. We left, I locked the door, and took him to work. When I came home, I unlocked the door and was planning on using the bathroom and then grabbing the dogs for our morning walk. When I entered the bedroom I saw what you see down below. Hudson must have been pissed that we left before he could potty...and last night I guess he was pissed because we were gone for so long. Go figure!

More than meets the eye...

2007-07-03T20:20:00.000-04:00

Ok...so we went to see Transformers, it was fun, we had a good time, blah, blah, blah. We just returned home about 20 minutes ago and while Dave went to get the mail, I opened the door. To my surprise, it did not seem to be locked...now, I assumed the door was locked and so I turned the key so I can't be certain, but, we have a lock that is particularly sticky and it did not stick. Odd yes, but even more strange was the fact that our duvet cover and flat sheet were laying in a heap on the floor at the end of our bed while the pillows were left virtually untouched. When Dave came in he said he remembered locking the door and he did not pull the covers off the bed.

Now, knowing full well that there are people who have keys to this apartment other than us, I begin to suspect that someone was in here. Dave thinks I'm crazy and believes that the dogs pulled the covers off. I attempted to recreate this scenario with poor results. I don't know why someone would do that and not take anything, but I feel like someone was in here and I don't like it! What do you think? I really don't believe the dogs could have pulled the covers to the floor like that. Maybe there's another explanation (reasonable or not) and I'm all ears.

What's in the box?

2007-06-28T18:44:00.000-04:00

It's a good thing that moving usually means you get to be in a "new" place. Otherwise I think it would be too exhausting for anyone to do it. The excitement of the "new" place gets you through the drudgery of lugging your worldly possessions all over and the grueling deep clean of the "old" place and the heavy lifting and such. I'm tired of moving...and I know we'll be doing it at least one more time.

In our cross country move, there was a sense of urgency at the "new" place to get the TV/stereo system set up because a new episode of LOST was on that night. The receiver was placed directly on the carpet and kept turning off (or malfunctioning in other annoying ways) because it wasn't getting proper air flow. In his haste to ready the system for LOST viewing, Dave grabbed a small, unopened box marked "living room" and used it as a pedestal for the stereo components. We had every intention of replacing the box with a more permanent solution, but, until this past Sunday evening, there that box sat.

Over the past nine months the "living room" box became quite a mystery. What was inside? I didn't seem to be missing anything. From time to time we'd comment on the presence of the box beneath the stereo equipment. Maybe it's some candles, or picture frames, we'd say. These conversations would frequently lead to one of us suggesting there may be a million dollars in it.

The mystery has been solved. And, like many other things, the opening of the box was rather disappointing. Inside were boxes of votives and tea-lights, some favors from my cousin's wedding, some Christmas ornaments and decorations, and the candles we used to light our big candle at our own wedding. Damn...I was really hoping for a million dollars. Or at the very least, Gwyneth Paltrow's head.

That song's from the '60s

2007-06-27T12:15:00.000-04:00

The move is pretty much over, and a couch decision was made. We did go the more comfortable route with the EKTORP. They had a white cover for less than $40 but we felt like that would be money down the drain anyway, so we went with the beige which was about $100. I think it was the right choice. We found a lot of other things too and ended up spending almost $700. But I figure, we were looking at loveseats that cost that much anyway, and this way we ended up with patio furniture, lamps, 2 new duvet covers, and several other little things as well.

I love our new place. It's very bright and it feels bigger. So far it's been much quieter, but we are on the top floor (only 2 floors here) and the apartment below us is empty. The dogs are very confused...Hudson keeps trying to go up every set of stairs we come to and Bishop still thinks we live on the ground floor. Going up and down the stairs is interesting too. Hudson's paws slipped through once and now he's overly cautious...it's kind of cute. I think they're also confused because Dan hasn't "come home" in several days.

What is it about birthdays? I always get introspective and emotional. I was watching this segment on Good Morning America about a Georgia soccer team of refugees and just lost it. I guess this sort of thing makes me weepy anyway. It's strange to be away from my friends and family...I've never had a birthday like this before. At least I don't feel like a nerd for not doing something totally awesome for my birthday. It'll be a quiet night and Dave and I will probably go out to eat...sounds totally awesome to me!

If you have to ask...

2007-06-18T20:37:00.000-04:00

I think an obsession is forming. First off, it's so nice to be done with work at noon, run a few errands and make it home to Dave. I love summer school (and the fact that it will soon be over). We decided we should spend the afternoon at IKEA. He said it, but I was thinking it...we're so alike it's scary. We spent about three hours wandering around the showroom, sitting on the furniture, knocking on the tables, feeling the textiles, and carefully examining all items under $10...which is a lot. We are returning on Thursday or Friday to pick up our new loveseat. We are (and by that I mean I am) undecided on exactly which one to get. The KLIPPAN is cheaper but the EKTORP is more comfy. What do you think? Any suggestions?

After completing the top floor, we had a bite to eat at the cafe and then wandered downstairs for a while. I wish I would have thought of IKEA...it's such a good idea. Huh huh...seriously though, lots of people spend all day there and continuously pick up these little items that are inexpensive but add up to hundreds of dollars. It's like Target on a larger scale. In my IKEA though, I would keep Mountain Dew in my Pepsi fountain machine.

The confusion sets in

2007-06-15T14:07:00.000-04:00

Man...it is hot! It's funny though, because you can still function. They tell you to get things done early...and they mean early...it's 11 a.m. and it's 97 with a high of 108 today. I took the dogs for a walk at 10 and it was hot, but it was definitely bearable. Maybe it's psychological because I know the temp will continue to rise, and I certainly don't want to live in this climate forever, but it's really not too bad as long as you don't have to be out in the sun.

I'm starting to get a taste of what "summer" will be like after next week. I don't know how you ladies that are home a lot of the time do it. I have so much rolling around in my brain...things to clean, things to pack, projects I want to start, school stuff I want to get done, spending extra time with the doggies, not to mention some relaxing time for myself...I'm at a loss for where to start or which is priority. I guess as a general rule, I'm thinking:

1. Walk the doggies first thing...before it gets TOO hot
2. Do house "chores"
3. Lunch, a little T.V., more doggy time
4. My projects, school or otherwise
5. Whatever is left...more chores, maybe some baking, things I've forgotten

Who knows...all I know is that I'm excited! Only 4 days of summer school, woo hoo!

the suicide lesson

2007-06-08T22:26:00.000-04:00

Have you ever watched a movie that was so bad, yet just good enough to make you keep watching, and then blocked it out of your memory? The producers of Hurlyburly are really quite clever because they stocked this movie with stars a-plenty. So many good actors that you think to yourself, "Well anything with 2 Penns, a Spacey, and a Palminteri can't be bad...oh...and Meg Ryan! Let's go for it!" Let's just say, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

That's right, as the beginning scene rolled, it all seemed distantly familiar but I couldn't recall ever watching this movie. As each scene concluded, I would remember, and then eventually I knew what would happen next. I still couldn't imagine when, or why, I had ever watched this movie.

Flashback to Curwood. I was doing school/coaching/j.crew and Dave was working at Domino's with Ugly and kato. Somewhere along the line, we decided it would be a good idea for Ugly and kato (who resided in the Shedu basement at the time) to follow Dave home at 1 a.m. several nights a week for a late night movie...or two. Why we started this, I have no idea...why it continued after the first time is beyond any comprehension. Anyway, this is relevant because as the credits rolled on Hurlyburly I suddenly realized where I had seen this trainwreck of a film. The "review" by ween-3 at the imdb site was spot on by saying:

You liked "Glengarry Glen Ross"? You're gonna love THIS one.

Too bad I wanted to kill myself halfway through Glengarry Glen Ross.

Happy 6/4!

2007-06-04T20:51:00.000-04:00

Summer school started today and man was it boring! It wasn't really my fault (that's my story and I'm stickin' to it) because of the lack of information and organization. Other teachers had the same complaints. The entire program was being run by still novice teachers who had obviously never undertaken a huge event such as this. They had lots of great ideas in many areas but overlooked some big ideas like actually checking in hundreds of students. I'm not saying I could have done a better job, but then I wouldn't have signed up to run a summer school program at this point in my career.

Today was a lot of trial and error and a lot of pre-testing. Hopefully things will move along more smoothly tomorrow and the kids won't look bored out of their minds...I miss my first graders!

Fact: Lady MacBeth is a sweet nickname.

2007-06-03T18:19:00.000-04:00

School is out. I have begun compiling, in my brain, a list of things to remember for next year based on things I either did well at, or failed miserably at. In no particular order they are:

*Know my rules and be consistent about them right away
*Keep my cool...don't let frustration show
*Be understanding of students and parents
*Be honest, but don't speak too freely
*Record incidents, parent communication, student discipline, etc.
*Don't stress about "fitting it ALL in"...it doesn't ALL fit
*Prepare completely for the next day before I go home
*Be flexible...the kids are
*Laugh at the things that piss me off
*Have fun with the kids
*Play lots of games
*Gifts are good as long as every kid gets the EXACT same thing
*Things that can go wrong, will go wrong
*Have a yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily plan, detailed to the appropriate extent
*It doesn't matter if things don't go exactly as planned
*Tomorrow can be better

Summer school starts tomorrow and I'm a little nervous because I don't have much information about it. I'm basically walking in armed only with what I will be teaching. I have no idea how many kids, who they are, what level they are at, what my room looks like, what supplies I will need, and so much more. But, I'm goin' for it and my attitude is "Bring it on!"

A Good Day

2007-05-26T19:45:00.000-04:00

Is "crap" a swear word in kid language?? Do parents wash their kids mouths out with soap when they say "crap"? Sometimes I refer to the stuff in my kids desks as "crap" and they all look at me like I'm crazy and then start to giggle.

I have one and a half more days of teaching 1st grade for the year. Then I'll be working quickly to move my classroom across the hall. While that's going on, I'll begin my summer teaching assignment that'll last for three weeks. Then Dave and I will be moving to a new apartment. June promises to be a busy month.

Today I took a bunch of CDs, DVDs, and books to Half-Price Books. The buyer told me they like sellers to remain in the store while they work on an offer. I wasn't planning on this, but okay. I always spend most of my time in the Children's section and I found at least 10 books. By the time he paged me to let me know my offer was ready, I had made my way up to the front of the store where they keep the CDs. I look in the "J"s every time I'm in the store and it's never there...as I was reaching the end of the "J" section, I found it! The awesomeness that it Journey is mine again! Yes my friends, it was a good day.

Leaving Las Vegas

2007-05-19T18:14:00.000-04:00

The Vegas trip was everything I expected and more. I expected to be exhausted on Sunday night, but not so much that I couldn't walk. I expected it to be crazy, but not in-your-face-insane. I expected lots of tall and ornate buildings, but was still overwhelmed by the enormity of it all. I expected to see lots of bright lights, but not so many that I practically seized from the shock. I hoped to see a celebrity and, at the peak of exhaustion, I did and was completely recharged to continue our journey.

We arrived Friday night and reunited with goat boy and cat lady. A quick and impromptu game of billiards was played before we headed out to the strip. Kato and I, both Vegas virgins, rode with our significant others in the Scion xB. It's probably a good thing we were quarantined away from the others because there were many idiotic exclamations made by yours truly, and several by Kato. It was all very exciting. We went to Slots A Fun and I gambled a grand total of $1 on a penny slot, got my free beer and then quit. Yeah, I'm not much of gambler. Plus, having awoken at 5:30, worked all day, and made the 5 hour trip, I was a little tired. We went back to the very nice rental house and crashed hard.

Saturday morning we went to a "surprise" champagne brunch and ate our fill. My goal for the day was to see as much as I possibly could of this unique wonderland. Read this post for a breakdown in more detail of what actually happened. I'm impressed that he remembered so well. To me, it was a blur but we saw lots of stuff! The bits I remember are giant M&Ms, Eiffel Tower, Can-can girl, indoor Venetian canals, indoor rainstorm, 3 brides in wedding gowns, Elvis on a cell phone, the front bumper of a taxi narrowly missing my knee, playful lions, live poker, booby postcards, delicious King of Clubs sandwich, longest taxi line ever, Jay Leno, Treasure Island ships, really drunk people, awesome dinner show, more really drunk people, locker #64, and indescribable soreness.

Sunday morning we reluctantly got up and slowly made our way to IHOP. Being Mother's Day there was quite a wait and this particular IHOP seemed very unprepared to handle such a rush of customers. After a slightly tense breakfast, we made the boys take a picture together, said our goodbyes, and were dropped at the airport car rental. Our "Kia Rio or similar" was actually a Cadillac...but we didn't complain. Stemshul, Ugly and I drove the 5 hours home in style and near silence. It was an excellent trip, but I'm so glad this weekend will pale in comparison. Next time we do Vegas, I think we'll need a day to prepare ourselves and a day to recuperate in addition to any time spent in Sin City.

Yes, because you would have $20!

2007-05-07T22:48:00.000-04:00

I think I've discussed getting a summer job on the old "dear diary" here. The leading idea was to apply at REI, a sporting goods store near our place. I really wanted to teach some summer school, but all the opportunities required me to create my own syllabus. I'm just not in to that for now so I didn't inquire into summer school any further. Today I got some info about a third grade reading class and it turns out that all curriculum will be provided. So I signed up! Yeah! No retail for me this summer. Although I will have to drive about the same distance as I do now (walking to REI would have been nice), I will be close to my school where I'll need to drop in occasionally anyway. The only disappointment is that I'll be missing a super awesome roller skating party on Wednesday night to attend a training session.

What happens in Vegas...

2007-05-05T15:09:00.000-04:00

I am so pumped about Vegas! Friday afternoon I'll be picked up from work around 2:30ish and we'll begin our Vegas Vacation. We'll see the Tournament of Kings show on Saturday night and head home Sunday morning. Everything else is unplanned. I've never done much gambling, and although we've allotted ourselves some squandering dough, I don't imagine us spending ALL day in the casinos. So I've been looking online at Vegas tourism sites for other things to do. I was surprised and very excited to learn that there are many free attractions located all over the strip. And since I'm dutch and frugal, I've made it my goal to see as many of these attractions as possible during our short stay in Sin City. The site I linked to above has an interactive map that will show you where to find attractions, dining, shopping, shows, and other things. That site is the best obsession I've found in like...a week. Check it out and please give any suggestions!

Keep the Faith

2007-05-02T22:58:00.000-04:00

I love Wednesdays because of one thing...LOST. I don't know if it's because I'm so invested in the show, or if it's because the show is so good, but...that show is SO good. I think it's amazing and I don't care what anyone else says. What other show would "introduce" two new characters, kill them off by burying them alive, and then not mention it ever it again? No other show! And, oh ye of little faith...do not expect to have everything revealed to you so quickly. Do not presume to know the course of this show. We are but little children to the masterminds behind the plot of LOST. Just because she said they were all dead, do you think that really means they are dead? Be content to be ignorant...all will be revealed in due time...I have faith.

The Man from Tallahassee

2007-05-01T23:33:00.000-04:00

This season I've gotten really into American Idol. I used to just claim that I would only watch the auditions for the entertainment value, all the while sneaking peeks at the real show long after the auditions were over. It's more of an event this time around...something to do on Tuesdays and before LOST on Wednesdays. Anyway...this was THE best week ever, featuring Jon Bon Jovi. Okay, seriously, that is my dream. I don't want to be a singer/songwriter, I have nothing original to say. I want to sing other people's songs with passion and feeling...especially Bon Jon's songs. But...I can't do it in front of people. I live out my dream every day from the comfort of my car...except when someone pulls up next to me, then I tone it down a great deal. They, the remaining contestants, got to meet (and jam with) Bon Jon. I wonder if he would let me call him Bon Jon. I'm so jealous.